One Proud Mom Responds to “I’m Christian, Unless You’re Gay”
We’ve all witnessed the endless amounts of hatred from religious groups attempting to make airwaves regarding those seedy gays and their brainwashing ways. With the media in our favor, a narrowed focus on hatred in the U.S. has infiltrated everything from the A.M. papers to documentaries on bullying to the numerous campaigns attempted to strengthen efforts to keep our youth safe; some efforts thriving over others, but that’s a matter of opinion. While browsing through my Twitter feed this morning, a friend brought to my attention a blog post containing a response email from a mother who had to learn through her own actions how her religious beliefs can coincide with her love for her son. The problem? A community filled with looming unacceptance and judgment.
After her 15 year old son brought home an article assignment from school, entitled “I’m Christian, Unless You’re Gay,” the outlandish threats of getting the teacher fired forced the teen to flee to a safer space to clear his head. Here’s the full response and story, followed by a link to the original article. Give it a read, share it with your loved ones and continue to be a voice to advocate acceptance. I’ve already emailed my mommer, what’s stopping you?
Hello Mr. Pearce,
I am the Christian mother of a 15 year old teenage boy and about a month ago he came home from school with a copy of your article “I’m Christian, unless you’re gay”. The teacher gave his class a homework assignment to read it and write a 500 word essay about “what it meant to them”.
He came home and showed me your article and asked me what I thought about it. I read just the title and became furious at his teacher and at you (even though I know you had nothing to do with her handing out the assignment). Anyway, I confiscated it from him and told him he wasn’t to do anything with it till I had a chance to read it first.
And then I got madder and madder as I read it as I felt like it was a direct attack against our beliefs and our Christian religion and that it was promoting homosexuality, a practice that around here is a huge “sin”.
I gave my son an earful about homosexuality and God and told him that he could tell his teacher that he would not be participating and if she had a problem, she could come talk to me and then I threw the article in the trash. My son didn’t say anything just walked into his room and shut the door.
Long story short, a couple hours later it was supper time and I still hadn’t seen him come out of his room. I didn’t expect it to be that big of a deal to him but I went and knocked and told him to come out, he didn’t answer so I opened his door and he wasn’t there, he had left the house and gone somewhere. Of course I got more mad and tried to call him but he sent it to voicemail. I sent him a text and told him he better get home and he was grounded.
This is the text he sent me in return: “I don’t care. I’m at my friends house writing that essay and I’m not coming home till you read it.”
I think you would have seen steam coming out of my ears if you saw me. I started preparing to go talk to the school the next day. I sent a few angry texts to my son that he didn’t answer. I got the article out of the trash so I could take it into the school and get this teacher fired. My anger got a little out of control and while I was sitting there fuming and planning what to do, I got another text from my son that said “Just emailed it. Love, Jacob.”
My son’s name is not Jacob, and it took me a minute to realize that he was talking about your friend Jacob in your article. And when I realized that I suddenly started shaking in fear and anger at what he might be telling me. I started out of control crying because I couldn’t handle having a gay son and what if that’s what he was trying to tell me? After a long time I finally got the courage to go look at my email and see what he had sent. And this is what he wrote:
I am gay and only my one friend knows so far. My mom doesn’t know yet. My dad doesn’t know yet. You didn’t know it when you gave us this homework. I am only 15 years old and I have never felt so alone. My mom and dad always are being angry about gay people and talking about how they are bad and going to hell and they also always talk about how all the gays should be shipped off to their own private island or something so that the rest of us could live God’s commandments in peace.
I have been so scared of them finding out that I’m gay because I know that they would hate me and would want me out of their life and at the same time I can’t keep this secret anymore because it is not something I asked for, never in a million years would I ask to be gay in a town like this where everybody would hate me. And anyways I can’t keep this secret anymore because I’m about to do something crazy like run away or hurt myself or something. I just want to be dead sometimes.
And then you gave us the assignment to write this essay for our homework and I read it like ten times I even skipped lunch and just kept reading it in the bathroom and by the time I went home I decided that maybe I am only 15 years old but maybe this town will change if I can be honest about who I am and maybe my family will change if I can be honest about who I am with them too. I don’t see why I don’t deserve love just like everyone else. I see some crazy stuff that so many people do and people still love them but for some reason everybody around here thinks its ok to hate gays and stuff. And I don’t know really I think I just realize that I don’t want to be Jacob in ten years and still live my life in secret and scared of being hated.
So I go home and I tell my mom to read this handout you gave us and she got so mad at me and started going crazy about how evil gays are and how all of this was just the devil spreading his work and everything else she said. But this time I just got mad myself and I got so mad because I suddenly realize that this is the woman that my whole life made me go to church where they talk about love just like the writer said but she and every other person I pretty much know just hate so many people especially gay people. So I got madder and madder and madder and then I snuck out and came to my friends house to write this essay because its time to stop letting people’s hate stop me from being happy. I mean should I really have to hate my life and want to die because other people are so hating?
And I don’t know what will happen but I am done playing like I’m something I’m not and if my parents don’t love me anymore because of this then I realize that’s not my problem and it will hurt but not as much as the way I hurt right now. I feel like if my mom and dad would just think about things they’d realize that what they always say and how they always hate gays is not what Jesus would do and maybe there is a chance that they will some day love me like Jesus would. I am their kid afterall.
Tonight I am going to send this to my mom and see what she says I guess. I don’t know what will happen but I know that I deserve to be loved just like everybody else does I just hope she thinks so too.
Obviously you can imagine the emotions and thoughts that were going through my head when I read that…
I started crying and couldn’t stop for the longest time. I don’t know why I was crying exactly, just so many emotions came over me. I didn’t know what to do or how to respond. I finally stopped and went and read your article once more only this time I tried to read it through my son’s eyes and the whole thing was so different than it was a couple hours before. By the time I finished I felt as big as an ant and I realized just how much hatred I have in my heart toward others.
You see, Mr. Pearce, you are right. It’s not about what other people do. It’s about whether or not we are loving them. Nothing else matters at all. And it took all of this for that to finally sink in.
I texted my son back that I loved him and left it at that. He came home that night and didn’t try to talk to me about it, I just told him I loved him at least ten times that night and made sure not to talk about anything else. My love for him was the only thing I wanted him to feel and I knew he’d talk to me about it when he was ready.
That was a month ago and in the last month my son and I (his dad lives three states away and still doesn’t know) have grown much closer than we ever were before. We have both stood up against hate several times when we hear it coming from the people around us. You see, where we live people really do have problems “being Christian unless…” But no longer in this home.
I’ve shared your article now with countless people. I have made my sisters read it. I talked about its message to my parents. I sent it to my friends and neighbors. And I’ve had some people get really upset by it, but a change is starting to happen around here and it’s because one teenage boy finally had the courage to stand against what he felt was wrong. He believed he could make a change. And I’ll tell you right now, it makes me happy to see him so happy. I never knew how unhappy he was until I could finally see how happy he could be.
So thank you. I know this is long, but I thought you’d like to know what your article has done in this little town we live in. And it’s just the beginning.
Sincerely yours, one proud mom.
I would love to hear everyone’s thought on this, their struggles, their experiences, their family stories. Storytelling, in my opinion, is always a far better start in educating, as open dialogue isn’t always offered in every community.
Original article from Single Dad Laughing: “I’m Christian, Unless You’re Gay”
I’m a gay teen and i really loved this. My family has been loving and accepting as I had envisioned and I think I almost hold some guilt that I’ve had it so good when others who are SO much stronger than me face their fears so heroically. Thanks for sharing…
I found this article very interesting. My 18 year old son came out about a year ago and it was a little difficult to accept at first. I couldn’t be sure if he was sure due to his age and racing hormones, teens go through so many changes. I don’t think he is even completely comfortable yet as it is a scary and unaccepting world out there. My wife and I were accepting, loving and supportive from that point forward. We have told all of the family members right up to grand parents and surprisely everyone one was acceting and very supportive and there love for our son only increased. We are a church family or were until about 3 years ago when the baptist faith church we were going to became more of a political favourtism game then education about Jesus and the Bible and whoever donated the most got the most attention. The United Church in Canada is the only church officially and openly accepting of gays and we are and have been members for many years. I don’t know how anyone could hate or dislike someone because of there sexual orientation. That is the same as disliking someone for their race, colour, gendre etc. just because they’re different than the majority. Haven’t we passed that stage, people? Who really knows what the majority is? Maybe heterosexuals are the minority if the Truth Be Told, and if they are, should heterosexuals be hated and sent to the lake of fire?
I’m a closeted, nineteen-year-old, pastor’s son. Being gay/bi has been one of the biggest struggles in my life. I have talked to my mother about sexuality before, and her response was “You know you are and God knows who you are. You aren’t gay.” She also said something that stuck with me a little harder, and is an anchor of fear. She said, “I will die and go to hell before you were to admit that you were gay.” You see, my mother has always told my sister and I that words are powerful. When you say something, it comes from the heart. I know that I am not like other young men. I’ve taken up an abstinence vow. I take commitment seriously. I don’t like to go out and party every weekend or get drunk. I love school. It’s hard to find the right kind of support in an environment that feels so unpredictable. “Would they still love me?” Yeah, probably. What’s scarier is, “How will they treat me?” or, “Are they still going to pay for my school?” I have no idea. It’s walking on eggshells. So, for me to say something like, “Mom and Dad, I’m gay.” is just not an option. Words are powerful. I’ve thought about ways to bring it up. I’m struggling. I need help. I need prayer. I need security. I’m not looking for “I love you just the way you are and I accept you.” I’m not expecting that at all, and I don’t want it. I want prayer and love. I want to FEEL like I know it’s going to be okay. I want to FEEL like I’m not going to hell. The bible says that sin is sin, but people seem to put sin on bars “from the worst to not that bad”. A thief is as bad as a rapist is as bad as a liar is as bad as a gossiper is as bad as a homosexual. I know that the god I believe in died on the cross for me, though, and he died for that sin. It’s easy to repent from lying or cheating or drinking or stealing. But how do you repent from being a homosexual? I want someone to love, and I want someone to love me. I don’t want platonic relationships my whole life. It doesn’t make sense to me. Jesus loves me. I know that. But, when ministers and pastors preach about how disgusting it is to practice homosexuality, as if it’s like practicing a sport, I feel completely targeted. I feel like I’ve just been spit on. I don’t feel any love there. I love and always will love God. I will practice all that I can and strive to be the best growing young man I can be, but it’s not easy when you’re being told that you’re an ugly person in church. I wish my mother would read an article like this without having to send it to her. I wish my mother would approach me about something like this. I would be honest with her. I can’t cry for help, though. I’ve passed that point where I’ve tried to put it out there as much as I can, but get nothing back. Come on, Mom. I’ve set up so many opportunities for you to ask me.
Maybe no one will read this, or maybe someone will who is in the same boat as me. Anyways, it was nice to vent. Best wishes to all the other young men out there that are going through the same thing. It’s not easy.
My oldest son told us at thirteen he didn’t like girls THAT way, but he was attracted to a boy, and what did it mean for him. My husband and I sat down and talked to him and told him not to label himself just yet he was still young but no matter what we would support him. We live in a very small community where the number of churches is slightly smaller than the number of people. My son is now nineteen and openly gay and I couldn’t be prouder. One of our biggest discussions about his homosexuality was about whether is was wrong and unnatural. I said this to him and firmly believe it “if the wolves and eagles which mate for life have same sex pairings how could it be unnatural as the natural world shows these pairing. It may not be good for the species but it is not wrong.” When discussing why he was this way I told him maybe so a child who otherwise not have a parent would have a loving home someday because he would not have children… someday it is my hope that our society can see this and the overlooked part of our society will help the abandoned children we forget about someday have loving homes.