Okay so this is LATE, and you’ve already formed your own opinions on Lana Del Rey by now, but I wanted to share mine too. BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT THE INTERNET IS FOR.

The gays are having a civil war right now over Lana Del Rey. Some think she has the best debut album to hit the music scene in a long time while others are numbed by her anaesthetic sounds. We all know female vocalists can’t get anywhere (outside of the country music scene) without the support of their loyal homosexual music addicts.

I downloaded the leaked Deluxe Edition of Born To Die a few weeks ago and got my own taste of this mysterious creature.

Lana Dey Rey: Born To Die or Stillborn?

This is my conclusion: Lana, first of all, is gorgeous (plumped up lips and all) and I enjoy her simplistic elegant style. You can’t argue the fact that she looked stunning during her performance on SNL. A vision in lacy white. Though, you could debate that she sounded below par and lacked any charisma at all. The first experience of many people with Lana was understandably bad. But I don’t think that’s really what is causing all of the uproar. Not for me at least. Are we all the sudden expecting every performance from our pop stars being flawless? I’ve heard some of the gays who worship the flubbery mess once known as Britney Spears giving Ms. Del Rey shit for her bad performance. Have Adele and Gaga performing live and sounding good actually developed some sort of standard? I almost guarantee that if Lana was sporting a blue glittery wig with cupcakes on her tits and hopped around the stage excitedly, no one would question her far from perfect performance.

Which leads me to my next point!

The problem that the histpers and hipster gays alike are having with the Lana Mama (her name is too fun to not play with in every way possible). That she is “produced” and formed into being what she is. Yes it’s true, the artist used to go by a different name and had music that didn’t go very far. Well GOOD FOR HER that she found people wanting to spend money on some extensions, pretty dresses and a well produced album. Everyone has seemed to forget that Katy Perry was once a Christian pop music singer, then put out “I Kissed A Girl” and started dressing like a cartoon character to get attention. No one seems to be bothered that once upon a time Nicki Minaj was just your every day video hoe before all of the neon pink wigs and body paint.

All in all, The album Is extremely well written from start to finish and lyrically is a kind of a masterpiece. As far as sound goes I definitely wasn’t in love. Her voice though occasionally sounding good (I like it in National Anthem) is bland and has no little to no conviction. The ones that stood out to me as winners were “Off To The Races,” “Lucky Ones” and “National Anthem” by far. I’ll most likely delete most of the album from my iTunes, but only because it really isn’t my personal taste. I don’t think it’s sexy. I actually think it is almost un-sexy. It is like she just had sex with someone (by had sex I mean laid there), walked out of the room to smoke a cigarette, forgot the person’s name, decided to lay down in a bed of beige lace, took a Valium… and then she sang the album. I like my dance pop high energy, and my mellow pop emotional. I don’t know if you could find a single emotion anywhere in Born To Die.

I really wish the album was sung by someone like Marina & The Diamonds. Now THERE is a pop-hipster that can sing. But I think If nothing else, Rey Rey is still one to be watched. Maybe this extreme internet critique will cause the artist to tweak some things before her next studio album.

If you haven’t seen this yet… watch it!